"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
