I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
