You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
