just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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