Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
