Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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