I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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