overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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