so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
