And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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