But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
