i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
