im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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