I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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