I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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