I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We need to get me chipped asap
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
