you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize