Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
