My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
