I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
