If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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