Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
