I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
