Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
