I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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