and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We are two peas in an std pod
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
try to milk me bitch
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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