wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
