maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
