iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
