i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
