Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
