if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
