I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
