What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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