I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
