i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You smell like stripper and shame
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
MIDGETS
????
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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