after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
