he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize