I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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