We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
