She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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