very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
