No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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