Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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