I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
