It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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