don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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