Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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