i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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