if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
