I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
