You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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