you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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