I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
