there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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