everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize