she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
