good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
