ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
