Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
