we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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