paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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