you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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