I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
