I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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