Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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